I Was Not Prepared

Author: Michelle Thomas, MS-IV, University of New Mexico School of Medicine 
Faculty Mentor: Eileen, Barrett, MD, MPH, Associate Professor, Department of Internal Medicine, University of New Mexico School of Medicine 
 

Medical students are generally detail-oriented people who have specific steps for moving forward. We had a plan; we were supposed to take Step 1, have a couple weeks off to recuperate, then start clinical rotations which were supposed to be eight weeks each. I was prepared. 
 
Then I received the email telling us we were to stay at home for an additional six months, cutting our rotation time in half, and the haywire that followed. Medical school is a time where students need and seek support, which is found with our understanding colleagues. As third-year students, we were suddenly taken away from our community and left to study for our shelf exams alone at our homes in front of computer screens without any actual clinical experience. The first-year students were unable to get to know their new colleagues in person. The second-year students, who were just getting into the groove of medical school, had to change their established learning styles.
 
I was not prepared to witness and endure pain, loss, and hardships. I saw many of my peers lose loved ones, have relationships fall apart, struggle academically, and question their future careers in medicine. We had to adapt to a new way of life that we did not ask for and struggled to adjust to. People with families had to navigate full-time parental duties along with a new form of medical school. For many of us, it was difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the “practice” part of practicing medicine was taken away from us.   

I was not prepared to defend evidence-based medicine on a daily basis. Begging the community to wear a mask and stay home compounded grief from the hundreds of thousands who lost their lives to COVID-19. Opening any form of media sparked anger and disappointment, and it was tough to stay optimistic when we were receiving life-changing news regularly.  

I was not prepared to find myself amidst one of the largest movements for racial justice in US history, outraged over repeated acts of racial profiling and police brutality against the African American community. To have a voice and to be (somewhat) heard was one of the more invigorating aspects of COVID quarantine.

I was not prepared to lose time with my classmates. We only have each other for four years. I have found some of the best friendships, relationships, and times in my life with my medical school colleagues. It was a heartbreak for the short time that we have together to be cut down even further before we go our separate ways for residency. I am excited for what the future holds for each of us, but I find myself wishing for just a little bit more time.

I was not prepared to discover the strength and resiliency that it took to go through these obstacles and still grow into almost-doctors. That I would still get to know myself from these unexpected challenges. Medical school is difficult, and to go through significant life and curricular changes during unprecedented times yet still be able to be move forward is incredible. We were more prepared than we knew. I’m proud of us; we did it.